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salem_dark_wolf's Journal

Deborah Landers
23 December 1993
I am older than you probably think, I have too many siblings, and I can't write a romance to save my life. (Well, maybe I could write a crappy one, but no one would want to read it...)

There are times when I don't know what I like anymore, and I spend too much time on YouTube when I should be working on homework.

I suck when I try to write something about myself, and find that I am falling back on things said in my Ethics class--that we can't actually articulate who we are because we can only come up with a list of whats. I am a writer, a dime-store philosopher, a musician, a crappy artist, a younger and older sister, a child at heart, somewhere on the spectrum between asexual and demisexual, a minor freak of nature, an actress who has only been in one play in a traditionally male part, an introvert who has days when she doesn't even want to talk, someone who has days where she forgets to eat, someone who sleeps too much, someone who wakes up with dreams dancing in her head, someone who curses Fridays because she hates that one class, someone who has too many ideas and not enough time to write, someone who spends the time at work browsing Tumblr. I am a person who checks the analytics of my fanfiction to see if anyone else has read it or left a review. I say that I can take criticism when I gave up on poetry for two years when my dad pointed out that mine was basically crap. I cry every time I watch Shrek the Musical, which is a lot, and listen to break-up songs that make me feel irrationally happy. I read fanfiction that send me into my room catatonic for an hour in shock, then hold the tragedy inside me like molten gold, a treasure that will inevitably destroy me. I keep asking about love and what it feels like because I am sure that I have never felt like I needed someone on a cellular level, which is probably why I was so shitty at writing romances when I tried (the other bit being that I was 13, when first love equals true love). I honestly don't know if anyone is reading this to the end and I wish I could reward you with some important insight into the human condition, but I don't have any of the answers. I'm just living life the only way how, and that's all anyone can do.